Merry Christmas, everyone, it's time to descend into the absolute nadir of scummy movies and watch something that parents were right to worry about their kids watching.
Christmas 1971. Billy Chapman and his family go to see his grandfather in a nursing home. The silent, senile old man just sits there, but when Billy's parents walk away, he tells him that he should be afraid when Santa comes, because he knows that Billy hasn't been a good boy. On the way back, Billy's parents slow down so he can see Santa walk along the road. Billy is already freaked out, but then Santa shoots Billy's dad before raping and killing his mother - all while Billy and his infant brother Ricky watch.
Christmas 1974. Billy and Ricky celebrate in an orphanage. Well, there's not much to celebrate. There's non-stop punishment from Mother Superior and only Sister Margaret and Ricky are there to help Billy. Every holiday, our hero goes insane, drawing pictures of Santa killing his family and punching people dressed like Santa.
Christmas 1984. Sister Margaret gets Billy a job at a toy store, where things seem to be looking up. Billy even gets a love interest, Pamela, who he has wet dreams about that are interrupted by visions of Santa killing his family. Alright, I lied. Nothing is looking up, because Billy's boss has a new job for him: he has to be Santa for Christmas Eve.
There's a scene where Billy tells a young girl on his lap that he's going to punish her - while two moms look on approvingly - that is total insanity. Sister Margaret calls while this is happening to see how Billy is doing, only to learn that he's doing the one job he never should be doing.
There's a party in the store and Billy leaves on the Santa suit. The owner tells Billy to keep on drinking and he'll think he really is Santa Claus. Pamela leaves with Andy, the employee that always gives Andy a hard time. As Billy follows, he sees them making out, but soon Andy starts to rape his love interest. Billy responds in the way that any rational human being would: he hangs Andy with Christmas lights and stabs Pamela while describing how punishment is good.
Billy has followed his boss' advice: time to do what Santa does on Christmas Eve. Billy's version of Santa? His job is to kill. Billy lives up to that job description by killing his boss with a hammer and the store manager with a bow and arrow. Seriously, this movie has gone off the rails. Even scenes where people sing carols take on menace and dread.
Billy can't stop his rampage now. He kills a young couple just for having sex, impaling the girl on a deer's antlers and throwing the guy out the window. Talk about reindeer games! He then wakes up a little girl in the house and keeps asking her if she was naughty or nice. When she answers nice, he gives her a knife!
Don't be a bully harassing sled riders in Billy's neighborhood either, because he'll chop your head right off.
Sister Margaret turns to the police, who rush to the orphanage. One of the cops screws up on arrival and kills a cop dressed as Santa right in front of a kid. Santa lives matter! He pays for his naughtiness by getting axed by Billy, who makes his way into the building to confront Mother Superior. She taunts Billy, telling him she doesn't believe in Santa. Billy goes to kill her and is shot by a cop. Sister Margaret is sad that Billy is dead and tenderly touches his face. Yep, a nun is sad that a serial killing Santa Claus has been stopped from killing another nun. Such is this movie.
Billy dies, but not before telling the kids "You're safe now, Santa Claus is gone." Ricky, his brother, looks at Mother Superior and says one word: naughty.
Needless to say, I loved this movie. It's a gutter crawling piece of pure garbage, perfect for my holiday season. I savored it by literally screaming my throat raw whilst dancing around my living room in pure holiday celebration!